Ship conversation
Buddy: We're going to a place called Spookane? That doesn't sound like my kind of place, pal!
Lyndsay: Oh, Buddy. Spookane is just a name. I'm sure it's a very nice place.
Buddy: No way! it sounds like it's full of ghosts and zombies and hummingbirds!
Lyndsay: Well, maybe, I guess it could- …Wait, hummimgbirds?!
Buddy: They're vicious predators! You gotta watch out for 'em, pal! They strike without warning!
Lyndsay: …I don't even know what to say to that.
Before “An Evening with Goth Boy”
[This cutscene takes place at the entrance near the dock. The player and Lyndsay appear first to view the island.]
Lyndsay: Alright, this place looks exciting! You ready for this, Buddy?
[Lyndsay gets confused]
Lyndsay: Buddy?
[Camera pans at the dock, near the Royal Boat and we see Buddy in fear about the island.]
Buddy: Y-yeah, pal! R-right behind you! Just making sure there aren't any ghosts around.
[Lyndsay gets stressed]
Lyndsay: You're kidding me! We've come all this way and now you're scared of ghosts?!
Buddy: I'm not scared! I'm, um… allergic.
[Lyndsay gets angry after hearing Buddy's reply.]
Lyndsay: Allergic to GHOSTS?! That doesn't even make sense!
Buddy: Don't make fun of my medical condition!!
[Buddy gets upset as Lyndsay gets furious about him. We see the player heading to the dock where Buddy was and cheers him up and he's now happy.]
Buddy: Alright, [player name]. For you, I'll try to be brave. You can count on your ol' pal, Buddy! Let's go!
[Buddy runs to the entrance nearby the dock where Lyndsay was located, but Goth Boy suddenly appears with her, then the camera dramatically zooms at him and Buddy gets panicked.]
Buddy: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
[Buddy gets scared of who've he just saw.]
Goth Boy: What's his deal?
Lyndsay: Guys, this is Goth Boy. He was just about to welcome us to this new land.
Goth Boy: Uh…yeah, sure. Welcome to Nowhere, where nothing happens.
Buddy: Thanks!
Lyndsay: Why do you call this 'Nowhere', Goth Boy?
Goth Boy: Because there's nothing good here. At all. You might as well get back on your little boat and go back on your pointless journey.
[Lyndsay gets stressed again.]
Lyndsay: What?! "Pointless?!" That guy needs some serious cheering up.
[She acts normal afterwards.]
Lyndsay: [player name], maybe if you talk to him you can get him to open up a little?
After “An Evening with Goth Boy”
[This cutscene takes place at the exterior of Goth Boy's Lair where we can see the player talking to him. Then Lyndsay starts getting mad at him.]
Lyndsay: Our journey is NOT pointless, Goth Boy!
Buddy: Yeah, pal! We're on a special quest for King Roland.
Goth Boy: Fine. But quest or not, life is just darkness and despair.
[Lyndsay acts normal.]
Lyndsay: Says who?
Goth Boy: Uh, ME, and about a thousand poems I wrote!
Lyndsay: Well, you're wrong! Life is a great adventure! And…and it's full of friends and new opportunities!
[Goth Boy gets annoyed at Lyndsay's speech.]
Goth Boy: Oh, gross. No way. Look, you really want to know what life is all about? Just head to that dark castle way over there.
[Camera cuts to the Realm of Morcubus.]
Goth Boy: (off-camera) That's Castle Morcubus, home to a terrible wizard. In his private library is an ancient book that is said to hold the secret to life itself.
[Camera cuts back to the player, Buddy, Lyndsay and Goth Boy at his Lair.]
Goth Boy: Find that book, and you'll find out what life is all about.
Buddy: Neat! I want to learn the meaning of life!
[Lyndsay gets stressed.]
Lyndsay: Alright, Goth Boy, you're on! We'll go to that evil castle and find the ancient book! Are you in?
Goth Boy: Sure. I'd love to see the look on your face when you find out life is pointless.
[Camera cuts back to the Realm of Morcubus and it pans slowly upward where we see Morcubus standing at the top of his castle, feeling confused about the gang's plan.]
Morcubus: What's this I see? A bunch of do-gooding brats?
[Morcubus gets stressed.]
Morcubus: No matter. Surely they're not foolish enough to come all the way to my castle. Surely they wouldn't challenge…
[Camera cuts closely at him as he gets mad.]
Morcubus: …the TERRIBLE MORCUBUS!!!
[Morcubus does his sinister laughter.]
Morcubus: Well, they're not getting here for a while. I wonder if I could catch a quick shower?
[Camera cuts back to the player, Buddy, Lyndsay and Goth Boy at his Lair once again.]
Goth Boy: Just follow me…
Before “Shinyquest”
[This cutscene takes place at the bridge that leads to Zombie Carl's Swamp and we can see Yuki wearing an Asian mask, who is scaring everyone.]
Yuki: (labeled as "???") BLARRRAGH!
[Lyndsay shakes her head.]
Lyndsay: What the-?!
Yuki: (off-camera, still labeled as "???") Nyah nyah nyah blehhhhhhhhh!!!!
[Yuki puts her mask back on and makes scaring sounds before giggling.]
Goth Boy: C'mon, Yuki, knock it off.
Yuki: (acting all flirty) Oh! Hiiiiiii, Goth Boyyyyyy…
Goth Boy: Just let us get through already!
[Yuki Walks over to Buddy.]
Yuki: Who's your friend, Goth Boy? You're cute! I wanna bite your face!
Buddy: Thanks!
Goth Boy: No biting.
Yuki: THEN BRING ME SHINIES!!!
[Yuki walks back to the bridge]
Yuki: Pay the toll and you may pass. If you don't… …bites on the face!!!
[The Wandolier, Lyndsay, and Buddy step aside to chat]
Buddy: She seems nice.
Lyndsay: You think EVERYONE'S nice!
Buddy: I think you're mean, sometimes.
[Lyndsay is bummed to hear Buddy say that, but moves on.]
Lyndsay: Look in order to get through, we need to hunt down all the shiny things we can.
[Camera pans over to the haunted ruins.]
Lyndsay: I see a lot of things shining over there in those ruins. Let's collect all the shinies we can. [player name] can place blocks to climb up to the hard-to-reach ones.
[Camera cuts back to the group as they walk back over to Goth Boy]
Goth Boy: You're gonna do it? That's so stupid! Let's just run past her. She can't bite all of us!
Buddy: She's still someone who needs our help, Goth Boy.
Goth Boy: Fine, whatever! Helping people is such a waste of time! Let's just do it quickly!
During “Shinyquest”
[This one only happens if the Wandolier tries to pass Yuki before giving her the shinies.]
Yuki: (wearing her Asian mask) I BITE YOUR FACE!!!
Before “Swamp Initiative”
[This cutscene takes place at the gate that leads to Grandma Ruthie's Cookie Shop.]
Lyndsay: Hmmm…this gate is locked tight.
[Camera zooms out]
Lyndsay: And I don't see any gears or mechanisms, [player name].
Goth Boy: Nope. If you want to get to the castle and find that book, you'll need the key to this gate.
[The Wandolier, Lyndsay, and Buddy turn around.]
Buddy: Do you know who has the key, Goth Boy?
Goth Boy: Probably Carl…
[Goth Boy walks slightly toward the swamp.]
Goth Boy: …I'm sure he's lurking around here somewhere…
[Camera slowly pans around the swamp, looking for Zombie Carl.]
Zombie Carl: (off-camera, labeled as "???") OoooooooooOOOoooOOOhhhhhh…
[Camera cuts the fishing spot of the swamp.]
Zombie Carl: (off-camera, still labeled as "???") OooooOOOOOOOoooOOOhhhhhh…
[Zombie Carl walks up to the fishing spot.]
Zombie Carl: (still labeled as "???") OoooooOhhhhhh, man! My back is killing me! Seriously, I think I pulled something…
[Camera zooms out slightly and the group walks over to Carl at the fishing spot.]
Goth Boy: Hey, Carl.
Zombie Carl: Oh, hi, Goth Boy. You look as bad as I feel. HAHA! Seriously, though, I'm pretty miserable.
Lyndsay: Hey, do you have the key to the gate over there?
Zombie Carl: Yeaeh, of course I do! I have it with me always!
Lyndsay: Great! We're trying to get to the castle. Can we have it?
Zombie Carl: Over my dead body! HAHA! Get it??
[Camera cuts to Zombie Carl.]
Zombie Carl: Yeah, but seriously, I'm not giving you this key.
Lyndsay: (off-camera as Carl admires the key.) Huh? Why not?
[Camera cuts back to the whole group.]
Zombie Carl: This key is the most beautiful thing in the world!
Buddy: Umm…it is?
Zombie Carl: Sure! Look around me. I live in a stinkin' swamp.
[Camera cuts back to Carl from a different angle.]
Zombie Carl: It's depressing and slimy and the only thing I have in the world that's shiny and bright is that lousy key…
[Carl sighs in depression.]
Zombie Carl: I know, pathetic, right?
Buddy: Aww…he's a sad zombie.
Lyndsay: We have to help him, [player name].
[The Wandolier turns to Lyndsay and nods in agreement.]
Goth Boy: You really want to waste more time?
Zombie Carl: Waste…of…time? *sniffle*
Goth Boy: Well, I mean Carl's not THAT bad of a guy and this swamp IS pretty nasty.
Zombie Carl: (cries) It's AWFUL!!!
Goth Boy: Sooooo…I guess it wouldn't kill us to help a LITTLE bit.
Lyndsay: Good! That's…almost the spirit.
[Camera pans back to Carl's swamp.]
Zombie Carl: I don't want to be a sad zombie anymore. Please fix my swamp!
After “Swamp Initiative”
[This cutscene takes place at Zombie Carl's newly decorated swamp.]
Zombie Carl: Wow, guys, the swamp looks incredible! I can't believe it! Guess I don't need that old key anymore! I'll go ahead and unlock that gate.
[Camera pans to the pathway leading to the gate.]
Zombie Carl: Just follow this path out and you'll get to the castle in no time!
Before “Cookie Shop of Horrors”
[This cutscene takes place after The Wandolier, Lyndsay, Buddy, and Goth Boy pass the gate.]
Morcubus: (off-camera) Unbelievable.
[Camera cuts to Morcubus at his castle.]
Morcubus: So they've even made it past that miserable zombie and through the Swamp of Terror. No matter. Nothing they've seen so far could prepare them for the horrors that lie just ahead.
[Morcubus does an evil laugh. The camera then cuts back to the group.]
Goth Boy: Wow. Zombie Carl looked really happy with his new swamp. I've never seen him like that.
Lyndsay: It feels good to help, doesn't it, Goth Boy?
Goth Boy: Whatever. Guy just looked happy is all I'm saying. The castle should be right through here.
[Goth Boy walks toward the castle, but it caught off-guard by something in the way.]
Goth Boy: What the…?
[Camera cuts to reveal a giant billboard advertising cookies blocking the bridge.]
Goth Boy: What is THIS doing here?? Is this an advertisement for COOKIES?!
[Goth Boy turns around]
Goth Boy: And how long has THAT place been there?!
[Camera pans to Ruthie's bright cookie shop.]
Buddy: Wow, how did we miss that?
Goth Boy: It's hideous!
Lyndsay: Hmmm…We're close to finding the ancient book, but I think this begs closer investigation.
[Lyndsay turns to the Wandolier.]
Lyndsay: Let's check out the inside, [player name].
[This cutscene takes place after The Wandolier, Lyndsay, Buddy, and Goth Boy enter Ruthie's Factory. As they enter, Grandma Ruthie holds a tray of chocolate chip cookies and eats one.]
Grandma Ruthie: Well, hello there, dearies. Welcome to Grandma Ruthie's cookie shop!
Buddy: (claps excitedly) Cookies!!!
Goth Boy: I can NOT believe what I am seeing right now.
[Camera cuts to behind.]
Lyndsay: Ma'am, no offense, but what's someone like you doing in a dark and dreary place like Spookane?
Grandma Ruthie: Oh, thank you, no offense taken. You see, dear, I'm attempting to increase Brand Recognition.
Buddy: Wha…?
Grandma Ruthie: Brand Recognition, dearie. Grandma Ruthie's Cookies are already the number one cookie in that cowboy and robot demographics, but we just don't have any market share in the spooky parts of the world.
Buddy: Wha…?
Grandma Ruthie: Ruthie Co. is a publicly-owned and traded company, my dears. I promised our shareholders that cookies are a growth industry and we need to prove that there are new markets we can move into. That's why I opened my newest franchise here in Spookane, but since I moved in, I haven't pushed a single unit.
[Camera cuts to Buddy, who shakes his head and then looks dazed.]
Lyndsay: Ma'am, could you please stop talking business? You're breaking Buddy.
[Camera cuts to Ruthie, all panicked.]
Grandma Ruthie: Oh, goodness! Im sorry dear! Please, have a cookie!
[Camera cuts to Buddy as he runs over to Ruthie, who gives him a cookie. Camera then cuts to the group.]
Goth Boy: So, look, Grandma, we're on our way to the castle and that giant, gaudy billboard is in the way. So…move that giant, gaudy billboard.
Grandma Ruthie: Oh, I am sorry, but I simply cannot do that. All of our market research shows that aggressive advertising is the only way to reach our target customers.
Goth Boy: Uh, yeah, or you could try actually LISTENING to your customers to see what they want.
[Camera cuts to Ruthie.]
Grandma Ruthie: Well, my dear, I can't remember ever seeing 'listening' on any important chart or graph.
Goth Boy: Alright, let's see what one of your 'target customers' thinks.
[Yuki enters the cookie shop and is terrified by all the bright colors.]
Goth Boy: What's up, Yuki?
Yuki: Yuki…is…very afraid.
Grandma Ruthie: Afraid?
Yuki: So bright! Too…many…colors… …WAAAAAHHH!!!
[Yuki runs out of the shop and the camera cuts back to Grandma Ruthie.]
Grandma Ruthie: But…but bright colors played so well with her age group in the focus tests.
Goth Boy: Spookies aren't really into the whole 'bright colors' thing. Look, if you want to do this right, you're going to need my help. Alright, guys, we need to makeover Grandma Ruthie. I've got a scroll that should give you just want this place needs.
[Camera cuts back to Lyndsay]
Lyndsay: Am I hearing this right? Goth Boy wants to help somebody?
Goth Boy: Well, yeah, but…only so she can take down that sign. You know, we…we still have to get that ancient book so I can prove that you're wrong about life and stuff.
After “Cookie Shop of Horrors”
[This cutscene takes place outside Ruthie's Factory after the Wandolier redecorates the exterior.]
Goth Boy: Good work, [player name]. Now that's a cookie shop I could get behind. And now, for the final piece of the puzzle.
[Camera cuts to Grandma Ruthie, who is wearing a new black dress to match her new cookie shop. She walks over to Goth Boy.]
Grandma Ruthie: Oh, dear…oh, dear me… Are you absolutely sure this will work, Mr. Goth Boy?
Goth Boy: Trust me, it's perfect!
[Camera cuts to a downward view as Yuki approaches Grandma Ruthie.]
Yuki: Hi, lady! Can Yuki have a cookie?
Grandma Ruthie: Oh, uh…of course, dear!
[Grandma Ruthie gives Yuki a cookie, and she happily eats it.]
Yuki: YUMMY!!! Yuki will buy many cookies! Do you accept shinies?
Grandma Ruthie: Oh, I'm sure we can work out some kind of deal.
[Camera cuts to the group as Zombie Carl walks up.]
Zombie Carl: Hey, nice lookin' place. Man, I haven't had a good cookie since back when I was alive!
[Camera pans over to Grandma Ruthie.]
Grandma Ruthie: Wow. Business is booming! I guess I don't need that silly billboard after all!
Lyndsay: Alright! We can finally get to Castle Morcubus. You ready to learn the meaning of life, Goth Boy?
Goth Boy: After all this, nothing could stop me. Let's go!
Before “MorcuCorp Break-In”
[This cutscene takes place outside Castle Morcubus, right after after the Wandolier crosses the bridge. The group runss down the ledge to the front of the castle.]
Goth Boy: Morcubus!
[Camera cuts to Morcubus.]
Morcubus: What? What is it? I was just about to get into the shower- Oh. The do-gooders. (I thought the cookie shop would take longer. Anyway…let's do this right…)
[Morcubus does an evil laugh.]
Morcubus: Who dares disturb the infernal Morcubus?!
[Camera cuts back to the group.]
Lyndsay: Open the door, Morcubus. We're coming in!
[Camera cuts back to Morcubus and pans down to his castle gate.]
Morcubus: Oh, are you? That is a MorcuCorp Level 5 Security Gate, made with eight layers of triple-refined repellium. It could withstand a thousand tornados without getting a scratch! You'll never get through!
[Morcubus does an evil laugh. Camera cuts back to the group.]
Goth Boy: What if we connect these gears?
[Morcubus does another evil laugh but stops himself.]
Morcubus: …what?
[Camera cuts to the gate switches and pans to the windmill.]
Goth Boy: (off-camera) It seems if we connect this… …and these here… …to this right here, then it would cause the gate to open right up.
[Camera cuts back to the gate switches.]
Morcubus: (off-camera) Those idiots! I told them the switches go on the INSIDE of the gate! How many times-?! Oh, I am SO calling customer support right now.
After “MorcuCorp Break-In”
[This cutscene takes place outside Castle Morcubus, right after after the Wandolier opens the gate.]
Buddy: Hooray! The gate opened
Goth Boy: Okay, we'll be looking for a thick, old book…
Morcubus: (off-camera) Stupid customer helpline…I'll give THEM "regular business hours".
[Camera cuts to Morcubus walking up to the group.]
Morcubus: Alright guys, you busted through my gate. Whoopee. You want to tell me why you're trying to break into my impenetrable fortress of evil?
Lyndsay: We're here for the ancient book, Morcubus! We know you have it in there somewhere!
Morcubus: The book? Yeah, of course I do. That's why you're here? Seriously?! You want to borrow a book? Hang on.
[Morcubus leaves and comes back with the book.]
Morcubus: Here, here you go. Here's your book. Mazel Tov. Next time, maybe just ask before you go breaking down the door.
Lyndsay: Oh, um…thanks.
Morcubus: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm a little busy repairing my gate. *ahem*
[Morcubus walks away but Lyndsay stops him.]
Lyndsay: Sorry, we just didn't expect you to be so generous with a book that holds the secret to life.
[Morcubus turns around.]
Morcubus: …the book holds what now?
Goth Boy: It's true. The very meaning of all existence lies in the pages of this ancient tome. This is a very powerful book!
Morcubus: Are you KIDDING ME?! I've been using it to steady a wobbly table in my kitchen!!! The vile Morcubus commands that you return his book immediately!
Lyndsay: (while doing a cutesy gesture) Sorry, no give-backsies!
[Lyndsay and Goth Boy walk away.]
Morcubus: YOU NEVER CALLED NO-GIVE-BACKSIES!!!
[Buddy walks up to Morcubus.]
Buddy: Thanks for the book, Mr. Morculus!
[Buddy salutes and walks away.]
Morcubus: It's Morcu-BUS! Grrr…
[Camera cuts to the Wandolier, who waves goodbye and leaves. Camera cuts to the group back at Goth Boy's Lair. Goth Boy opens the book.]
Buddy: Is it a good book? Does it have lots of pictures?
Goth Boy: It's blank.
Buddy: What?
Goth Boy: It's completely blank. There's nothing in the book at all!
Buddy: Oh. Um, what does that mean?
Goth Boy: I guess it means I was right. There really is no great purpose in life. It's all just chaos.
Lyndsay: Not necessarily. Maybe the book itself is not important. Look what we've accomplished today. We tamed the wild Yuki…
Buddy: We put a smile on Zombie Carl's face! And we helped a nice old lady sell her cookies!
Goth Boy: We did all that? Huh I guess we did. And I…I made some new friends…Oh no…maybe life IS an amazing journey filled with friends and new opportunities…
[Lyndsay laughs]
Lyndsay: HA! Told you I was right.
Goth Boy: But…but…it's so CHEESY!
Lyndsay: Doesn't mean it's not right!
Goth Boy: Wow. Wow. I need to go write some seriously deep poetry…
[Goth Boy walks away]
Lyndsay: Haha! Well, everyone's happier now.
[Wandolier laughs]
Buddy: Whether they like it or not.